12.3.2008 10.02.

HAPPY HUMP DAY. 

anyways. nothing too exciting today. i had a mini reunion for kairos tonight. it was nice to see everyone! i love kairos! i love the sense of community and everything. i guess you could say, i like things with community. i can't imagine what people do with out a community or a support group. i know i would day. but, i don't have to worry about that! :)

anyways. here's the thing that gets me. why on earth would you argue about something if you haven't experienced it. one of my friends was trying to defend kairos and how their kairos is going to be amazing because they are going to have so many people in their small groups. but here's the thing, the more people you have; the harder it is to connect with your group, i think. 

anyways. i need to get to my homework. 

12.2.2008. 6.04.

oh no! i forgot to write yesterday! oh well. i have a feeling you will live! plus, there were two posts on sunday.

nothing exciting yesterday or today. part of me feels left out at lunch. 7 is always a not so fun number for anyone. it can be pairs of twos and then there is one; that's the way i feel right now. taryn has emma. amanda has jeff. sonia has lauren. what about me? i feel like i did something wrong, but i know my friends... they would tell me what i did wrong. i think. i kinda wish that taylor would come and sit with me at lunch. then it's 8 and everyone is happy. but, she sits with another group of friends. yet, sometimes, i don't understand why she sits with them. but that's her choice. however, all of this can be me over-thinking things. i tend to do that. but it was nice at lunch today. we laughed about what happened when we were all freshmen and such. it's weird to think that i got to this "4th year" step in high school. i can't believe how fast it went. we have to turn in our cap and gown forms tomorrow. i seems like i just got mine from 8th grade.  where did the time go?

speaking of time. report card isn't too good. actually, it's terrible. my parents always see the negative things on my report card and never care to notice the things that i improved in. why do they do that? why do we always tend to focus on the negative rather than uplifting the things that we do that we have done well in? i don't get it. i wish i could go back and slap myself in the head and tell myself "what the hell are you thinking?". but, now, i can't. so, i have to take these things and just improve. 

however, i do think that i am being realistic with this whole college thing. i've decided that i am going to go to santa monica or some community college and work on my grades and clean up the mess that i have made in my grades. i'm actually excited for santa monica. they apparently have dorms there, according to one of my friends and on the plus side they have an ASB and a newspaper. two of the things that i am interested in. so, SMC, here i come. i can't wait actually. but, i do feel like i have failed my parents. i think they were expecting me to do well and get into Cal Lu. well, mom and dad, that's not happening. i'm sorry. i think one of the reasons is band. if i didn't have band then i would have so much for free time on my hands to work on school. and seriously, i don't know why i am in it anymore. seriously. oh, i know why! because i thought it would help me get into college and at the time i thought that i would enjoy it. but i really don't. well, at least the whole parade-ness and the whole extra rehearsals. i feel like we are held up to a certain standard and we constantly need to keep that. 

why do we have standards? seriously. why can't we just love everyone for who they are rather than constantly trying to maintain something that we consider to be "right". don't you think the term right is a little objective. i mean, if you think about it with right, we tend to think of good things. some would consider the whole community college choice, a right thing, because i am being realistic; where some could think that i never challenged myself. i'm tired of living up to standards.

11.30.2008. 7.42.

SURVEY.

how tall are you?

5'4". 

do you like bananas?

yes. 

what is your favorite song of all time?

oh, wow. that's hard. probably some *NSYNC song. haha. 

what do you do on fridays?

football game -- but since we lost now -- hang out with friends, see a movie, stay at home sometimes. 

flip flops or sandals?

both. they are the same thing. 

vitamin water or gatorade?

vitamin water. 

if you could chose one superman power what would it be?

um, probably flying. 

what is your favorite place?

i really love libraries, i just never go there often anymore. 

what is your favorite food?

i have a favorite meal. haha. caesar salad, chicken, pasta and vanilla ice cream. 

where do you want to travel to next?

anywhere in europe, particularly, italy. 

do you eat cold cereal at night?

nope. 

juice and crackers or milk and cookies?

um, milk and cookies... duh!

who did you vote for in the 2008 election?

OBAMA. 

most embarrassing moment?

falling down amanda's stairs during homecoming junior year. it was so embarrassing!

when do you plan on getting married?

whenever the time seems to be hopefully, mid to late 20's. 

11.30.2008. 7.14.

HAPPY LAST DAY OF NOVEMBER. 

i really can't believe it is the last day of november, that means that the end of senior year is slowly approaching and it'll mean 5 more months until graduation; which is shocking. 

i have been debating this in my head for sometime now, and i think this is what it's going to have to be. there is no way that i am going to make up 6 classes online before january 15th. seriously. santa monica or valley is now my only option. i wish i could have worked harder, and yes, i do have another 6 weeks, but it can't get my f's up to c's. right now, my goal is to maintain my grades at least above f's and reach for c's. i really don't have a problem with going to santa monica. and honestly, i feel like that's the best thing for me. i feel like i am giving up, but i know i am being realistic. i don't even know what i want to do with the rest of my life. yes, being a communications major would be tons of fun, but my concern is: is that major something that i can benefit from? 

here are the possible jobs that i could see myself having:

• being a layout editor or working with layouts for a magazine
• working for glamour -- in some way
• being an event planner
• having mr. thomas' job -- basically being an ASB teacher and planning school events while helping kids learn life long skills
• a teacher
• being an assistant to some type of huge company
• being a pr for an actress or actor
• just being a mom
• a baker
• writing for a news show

yeah. those are some things i could see myself being, but right now, i feel like i just need to focus on school. 

11.29.2008. 4.44.

this is so sad. we lost the football game. my very last game as a ND student. the one game that i was hoping to win and dying to play, we lost. and the thing is we lost 24-14. i felt like we weren't as focused as we usually are. i cried. a lot. it's just weird to know that that game was and will always be my last football game. what happened? did the boys eat too much turkey or something? i don't understand. we were better than O Lu. whatever. it will go on. i hope. i feel bad for my friend Tommy. Tommy loved ND football. He played every year, and his passion for the game was endless. now, he probably won't play again, unless he ends up signing with a school. that's the other thing that bugs me too, is that all of the senior boys won't get to prove their worth anymore by playing. their season is done. this makes me so sad, you have no idea. no more yelling in the band. i thought at first that having no more football games would be a bummer and everything and i would be just fine. no crying or anything. i was kind of hoping for one more home football game and the bummer thing too is that if we would have won we would have had a home game against Tesoro. I wanted one more pre-game bbq; one more chance to grasp on to that moment of going back to play for the division championship. but, no. 

11.28.2008. 10.35.

IT'S FOOTBALL FRIDAY!

I really love football fridays! I absolutely do! Oh, and guess what apparently it could be Coach Rooney's 205th win tonight! Tonight we play Orange Lutheran, and it is also now the Daily News High School game of the week. Honestly, sometimes, I think that Daily News tends to be biased with us; probably, due to the fact that we win most of our games. But, I honestly feel like they are constantly covering us, when, maybe they should be covering another team. Here's the other factor -- maybe our school is that good that this is what people want to read about, except for Crespi. However, in Journalism class we always focus on what is timely and what will people want to read about in the area; most likely people want to read about ND football, and probably because who reads the Daily News are mostly likely the Valley... and everyone usually loves ND. 

My Thanksgiving. It was a lot of fun. At first, it was just me, my mom, my dad, my uncle Corky and my cousin Mike. Then, later, Jackie came home from work and shortly after we sat down for dinner. I must say, it was a little weird just being the six of us. I remember our Christmas Eve dinners where it used to be me, my mom, my dad, Jen, Mike, Uncle Corky, Kris and Chris and the girls. (If you were wondering Jackie wasn't there because she wasn't married to my uncle yet.) But, anyways, it was a nice simple Thanksgiving. Jen and Greg came over later for some dessert and then we all hung out for a little while. Jen, Greg, and I all decided that we wanted to go and see Four Christmases. It was okay. What I can tell you about the movie is save your $10.75 and rent it on DVD for much less. It was a cute movie, but it is totally one of those movies that you need to watch the week before Christmas to get you excited for Christmas. 

Well, I am supposed to be cleaning my room; I don't want to but I have to. I'll put up an extra post most likely with the score of the game. If not, then, tomorrow morning when I blog. 

11.27.2008. 9.52.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Anyways. I hope everyone is having a wonderful Thanksgiving. Although, I have a feeling no one is really reading this! Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Everyone asks me why, and I feel that it's more about family than anything. Although, it was a lot more fun when Grandpa was still alive and he had the house. Now, it's another holiday. I kinda wish we have a bigger house... actually I wish we had a bigger house. Then, we could have the Thanksgivings that we used to have with my mom's side of the family. I really miss those Thanksgivings up in Visalia. They were perfect, all of the cousins hanging out together making crafts and out parents sitting around or working on making the perfect Thanksgiving meal. 

I do have to say though, after 4 years of ND, I do enjoy the friday night football game during Thanksgiving break! It's always fun to go to that one, because the people that do go really care about football, especially, ND football. This year's game should be an interesting one, seeing how we are playing Orange Lutheran. I've always wanted ND to play them. However, if we do lose, I know that I am going to be the target, and someone is going to say, "Courtney, it's all your fault you Lutheran!". Well, guess what? It's not my fault. I don't go there. And, to be technical, they are Missouri Synod and I'm an ELCA Lutheran. But, I know that if I say that, someone will think I am crazy. 

As for right now, I am going to enjoy my Thanksgiving at my Uncle Corky's. 

Anyways, I hope everyone is having a wonderful Thanksgiving. Whoever is reading this!

11.21.2008. 4.35.

well. today was interesting. i had my first panic attack. i think it was just that i had a bunch of things going on and it was kinda driving me crazy. someone had told me something that kinda upset me. and i am one of those people that doesn't like to bottle things in. i was in a rush to get things done for asb. and i can't stand that. i don't think people really understand that i truly love doing anything involving asb. really i do. i swear that's why i go to school everyday. i know i should probably change my outlook on school, but for right now, i'm not going to. 

today we had to turn in some stuff for college for the counseling department. i didn't have enough time. i feel like me being a prep is a lot. i'm stuck in this pool of 294 kids, well, 293, and we are supposed to always do better than everyone else. i mean, with prep 800+ kids applied for becoming freshmen and almost 300 of us got in. the pressures of prep are difficult. i feel like people are constantly judging me.

11.20.2008. 5.10.

so. i've decided that i'm going to write everyday. really. at least a good try. 

what is going on in my life. school. basically. papers are due for graduation (it's november! i don't want to leave yet!) and college stuff. 

a little while ago, i had decided that i was going to go to santa monica for two years because it seemed like the most realistic thing. but, then, this past weekend on saturday, i went to go and visit CLU. 

now, CLU. i have probably been there 20 times. but i had never seen it in the "college light". every time i would go it was something involving church. my plan of going to santa monica and transferring was immediately shot down by me. i really want to go to CLU. it feels like home. i can really see myself thriving there. they are all about you getting a good education, having good internships and more importantly enjoying your college years. 

their mission statement is creating a global leader. i think that is perfect. with school, i see myself as a leader, but i want to be more than just a Prep leader. i want to be something more. i've decided that i am going to be a communications major with a focus on journalism and PR. i love writing. which is why i am trying to do more of it online and PR is basically the same thing as asb. i love asb. i swear that's why i get up in the morning. i love putting events on or little things that can make the experience at Prep even better. 

right now, school seems to be taking up my life (but when is it not?). i feel like i need to be working harder in school. i'm really trying. it's just kinda getting old. speaking of old. band. i'm really sick of it. i really can't stand parade season. i don't understand the point of play 100 something measures and trying to impress a bunch of old people. well, musicians may deal with that... but it's what they love. i lost that love. it's getting annoying. but it's going to be done this saturday! thank goodness! my saturdays will be free again! i can't wait! although, i would love my fridays off, but then that means that the football team won't go as far. 

as for non school things -- not much isn't going on. at first, i thought that it would be awkward having to actually have more than 2 people in youth group... but it's actually really nice! last week we had a girls night in and we watched a movie and talked about things. we have an intern and his wife here at emmanuel and they remind me a lot of JJ and Abby! i really miss them, but on the flip side, i am loving Hans and Christyn! Their home is amazing! Christyn is really crafty and awesome and Hans. He's really funny and chill. 

yeah. so. i'm signing off. until tomorrow. 

court