Hello Summer -- Time for a Change

First off, I would just like everyone to know whoever reads this that I finally graduated high school! WHOHOO! Haha. 

I finally saw Never Been Kissed... and it was a wonderful movie.  It made me look back on the time when I was in high school (not that it wasn't that long ago).  High school is different than any other time in your life, at least that's what my mom would always tell me.  And, well, to be quite honest it has.  My time at Notre Dame was one of the best and worst experiences of my life.  I guess you could say it was a unique one.  I have found some friends for a lifetime (or at least I think so) and people who I thought were my friends that ended up not wanting any part of me after we threw our graduation caps.  High school is one of those times when you strive to be something.  This something can be anything.  For some, it can be not being the nerd that you were in middle school and trying out for the football team and recreating yourself.  For others it's a chance to strengthen your passions that you had in middle school.  But, cliques take over.  Cliques will always happen.  It doesn't end in high school. BUT, if we realize the cliques that we are in they can change.  See, the problem is, well at least for me, is that people worry way too much about what people think of them.  I know, it's easier said than done that we shouldn't worry about what people think about us. BUT HERE'S THE THING: PEOPLE DO WORRY ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK ABOUT THEM. There's a reason why the Entertainment is the reason it is, the reason why media has changed so much than it used to.  True friends are really hard to find.  I remember at one point thinking to myself, "I'll find my bridesmaids in high school and find my husband in college."  Well, you know what, I did find some of my bridesmaids in high school... but at the same time, those will change.  Four years ago even months ago if you were to ask me who my 5 best friends or my good friends they would have changed.  There are friends that you think will be your friends for life. But, you just have to take friendship day by day.  Don't think about how a friend can benefit you or how they make you look.  Like a person for who they are and how they treat you: not what social status they can give you.  To be quite honest, I've realized this mentality now.  I was so caught up in how I was perceived by other people I let some of my BEST friends go unnoticed.  So, for anyone who I was friends with or acquaintances with and I hurt you for some reason, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I was caught up in my life that I didn't notice you as much as I had hoped.  I'm sorry if I ever used you to get ahead. I'm sorry.  My dad always tells me that there are two words that I use too often.  The first one is friend.  Think today we have gotten so caught up in what a friend means that what it really means is an acquaintance.  The problem is that we look for friends with benefits... and no, I don't mean the sexual kind, I mean we look for people that we can say, "oh yeah, I know them, there one of my friends". But the thing is, they aren't your friend, they are someone that you know and someone that you may have had a heart to heart with.  I know I'm guilty of this. I really am I.  I have said that a bunch of times. But, from now on, I'm going to look at friendship differently and I hope you will too.   

it's been a while...

well, one more week.  this is my final real week of school and then finals.  i seriously cannot believe how close it has been. what happened? i'm really ready to move on.  i have gone to school with some people since i was 5 years old... 13 years with some of them has been enough.  i am honestly really sad to be leaving high school, but another part of me is ready to start a new chapter in my life.  things have been interesting with some of my friends, and to be quite honest i'm ready to leave because i want to see which people honestly cared for their friendship that they had with me.  i know that i will be keeping in contact with some of my friends, but maybe not all of them.  looking back on my time in high school so much has gone on.  i lost friends, lost family members and dealt with some pretty petty things.  however, all of these things made me who i am today and for the most part i wouldn't go back and change it for the world.  i realized what i valued in my friendships and what i looked for in friends.  right now, i was so upset with the fact that what i was doing on a saturday night wasn't what everyone else was doing... i know that i wasn't invited to all of the "cool" parties because of what i value, and as much as i was hurt and torn, i know at the same time i probably would have had a miserable time.  i know that i have been the best that i can be to my friends and if they don't value that, then i guess i shouldn't really call them a friend.  but do we honestly know what a friend is? i think that term has been taken out of context so much.  according to webster's dictionary here is what friend means: "one attached to another by affection or esteem." as much as i enjoy reflecting on a question, i hope that we really think of people that we consider to be attached with affection or esteem. i know who i value with that; but do you? think about that term next time when you are referring to someone, do you really consider them to be attached to you with affection or esteem? 

update... pondering about things.

i haven't updated in a while and i feel like i should. haha. well, not much has been going on in my life, just school, school, and oh, wait more school.  is it weird that i am ready to leave and move onto a new chapter of my life. i feel more grown up now, but, i feel like high school is pushing me back. who knows. 

this week honestly, has been a boring week.  not much has gone on. i've just been going to school and dealing with this stupid ping pong tournament at school. i just don't understand why our ASB teacher tells me to do my job when there are other people not doing theirs; at least have everyone on the same level. oh well, only several more weeks and i'm out. thank goodness. i don't know what i am doing friday night. i really want to go to the st. francis fair. saturday, i have the fashion show for school... no, i'm not in it. i really look forward to it though. my mom and i always have a wonderful time. 

i think the whole reason that i'm done with school is because i want all of the fun things to happen. for example, prom, grad night and everything else. i'm just done. yes, the senioritis epidemic has reached me. 

oh, and the last thing i wanted to comment on. so, one of my friends' friend (well, actually they are no longer friends) posted a video about her. really? has that what this world has come down to? why can't you just confront somebody? because, seriously, you are just going to make you and your situation a more public one and you're going to end up feeling like the victim even more.  i do think too, that my friend shouldn't have posted the link. she should have just dealt with that on her own. but, whatever it's not my problem. 

i just wonder; is this what social media has come to today, dealing with our issues online? 

just something to ponder about... and i don't mean to hash on those two people. i just think it's interesting. 

"you're bold."

hahha. that's what one of my friends told me after I told her the fact that I would be writing my research paper in one night. well, I guess I am. :)  and honestly, I don't mind. I have 3 pages done right now, and at 7 o'clock I'm starting back up.  Yes, it may be a long night, but, when talking to some friends in college they have told me that they usually have to whip up at least 8 pages for some class. so, why not get the experience now? haha. at first, I felt somewhat overwhelmed, but, now, it's not too bad.  The trick, manipulate your quotes.  If you have good quotes and you're good and making them work... you're basically good to go.  Thank goodness for journalism. Honesty, I probably wouldn't be able to work that out if it wasn't for that class.  All right, back to working on this paper.  

church and prom?

I completely forgot that today was Palm Sunday.  Which is funny, because it's my favorite Eastertime (if that's a word and that makes sense) celebration.  I don't know why though... probably because it's the most interactive one, besides Maunday Thursday... but that involves feet, which isn't as fun. Anyways: if I knew it was Palm Sunday, I would have worn something more appropriate, but at the same time, it wasn't my normal jeans and polo that I would wear if I didn't really care on sundays. 

However, I am looking forward to Easter... why you may ask. No, it's not because of the Easter Bunny or chocolates or the excuse to by a new dress. It's because it's CANDE'S SEASON. Now, I I know you are thinking Can-de season? Do you know how to spell Courtney? Well, I do know how to spell, thankyouverymuch. It's C-and-E season.  Which for me, means Christmas and Easter season.  Last year, John Henry and I made up that name because we always found it amusing to that so many people that we had met at church would only come back for Christmas and Easter.  I know, I know, that's terrible, Courtney, and no very Christian of you.  But, we both find this kind of funny.  At the same time, that's the beauty of Christianity, I think because you can get your daily/weekly dose of Jesus anywhere, you just need to keep a lookout for it. 

Today was nice. Some of the people from my church after ended up getting on the discussion of prom. Which, is always a fun and exciting thing to talk about. There were so many different ages there, and it was nice to chime in with my own experiences.   

well, time to work on the research paper that's due two days from now. ekk. :/

before the research paper

honestly, i'm dreading this whole entire writing of this paper.  i haven't read the book that i'm even researching about. which basically means i'm screwed. but, i need to get it done, and i'll have the drive soon, i know it.  more, importantly, i need to sound like i am typing so my dad doesn't think that i'm not working! haha. 

last night i had a lot of fun.  i went out with my friends to this little place called Lulu's Beehive, i have been there before with my friend Jamie, but this was a more pleasant experience.  i do, however, wish that some of my friends from school would go, because i'm sick of them making fun of us because we are a church group. but, it's the price you pay. 

i did feel like i was the oldest one, which i was, but i started to realize the gap that i was in. the people that are in my youth group haven't even reached the age of 16, but at the same time, they are usually acting like they are.  so, what's a girl to do... when all of your friends seem to depend on other people besides you? maybe, it's just me, and the fact that i just assume that everyone has something to do on a friday night, and i don't even ask them.  who knows. 

just once, i would like to see my friends reach out at school, but i don't do that too, which i used to which is probably why some people think all i can do is talk about myself. maybe that's it, just reach out more to people. crap. why didn't i think about this earlier. that's what we need to do, everyone needs to do, not just me, but everyone... reach out more. 

i also wanted to take the time to say how crappy love really is. seriously, disney makes us think that someday, my prince will come. well, i'm 18, and i'm still waiting for a somewhat-prince to come my way.  i know, i know, you'll tell me, "you're just not looking in the right places." well, someone tell me where to look because apparently i'm freakin' blind.  maybe it's just the fact that we put people up on a pedal-stool. and i don't want to get started on that one. 

i'm going to sponsor one of my friends...

Yes, I know no one really reads this or maybe some of you do... but I wanted to let you all know about this amazing jewelry site! 

http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=6155129

This is my friend Christyn's jewelry site and I love it! I think anyone who is reading out there should check this site out. 

This is my favorite piece: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=21456576

So, check it out. You can also go to: beadup.etsy.com